“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 8.5

Commentary Track:

This is a scene from the Final Cut. We always intended to have a scene showing a bit of my “writing process.” The first attempt at this was in my apartment. Quick film tip: apartments are not interesting to look at. So I decided to shoot this in the Lincoln Park Zoo paddle boat pond. Location is half of a movie.

The rice was not, sadly, cooked in an ab-roller/rice cooker. It was purchased at a Chinese joint at the corner of Fullerton and Clark.

My dad had a goat eat his leather coat when he took me to a petting zoo in the late ’70s.

After we finished filming a handful of takes, we paddled around and began to head back to the dock. As we turned to head back there was a goose freaking out, flapping, splashing, and honking. We paddled close and saw that he had his beak jammed into the open end of a Coke can. Blood covered the goose’s face and we tried to calm him to free him. However, the bird was so traumatized, he would not let humans come close. It was probably the saddest thing I’ve seen. This tidbit brought to you by Smokey the Bear.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 13.5

Commentary Track:

This scene was shot in a park around Wellington and Lincoln in Chicago.

Test audiences felt Ken’s character was too obnoxious and unlikeable. We quickly shot this to show a softer, more reflective side of Ken.

Ken owned the “Corey Feldman Center For The Arts” t-shirt long before we made this movie.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 20

Commentary Track:

Filmed in the back office of closing Barnes & Noble.

The “Where’s Waldo” tie I’m wearing was purchased in high school. I bagged groceries for Publix and we were required to wear ties. I looked for the dumbest ties on the market. This isn’t quite as obnoxious as the one with Wal-Mart trucks. With streaming video, I’m afraid you can’t find Waldo.

You can hear the full studio version of “Wash’d Up ‘N’ Used” over the credits. The lyrics were written by Ken and I. The music was performed primarily by Albert Menudo who recorded under the name “A-Set” for Ken’s Tree Records. Find his music here.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 19

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 18

Commentary Track:

O’Hare international airport. Guerrilla style.

Golf balls cost more than one would imagine. And we needed an entire suitcase full of them. Ken and I went to the driving range in Lincoln Park and purchased two buckets of balls. Intead of driving them, we dumped them into duffel bags and returned the empty buckets 5 minutes later. The rental desk assumed we had hit through a couple hundred balls in a few minutes. We’re not assholes, as much as limited in the resource department.

Still, a couple hundred golf balls doesn’t look like much on camera. The camera takes off about 100 golf balls. 1000 golf balls would have done the trick.

The station wagon with the boot is not our car. We wandered around looking for the ideal car to pose as “our car,” and the boot sealed the deal. Coming back from a trip to find a boot must be the most frustrating moment in one’s life. At that point, mysterious little golf ball dents wouldn’t even phase a car owner.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 17

Nothing in this movie requires more explaination than “the Brasso bills.” Again, Bob added some of his own experiences to the script. Unlike any other automobile, the body of a Delorean is made of stainless steel. Traditional car cleaning products will not work. Therefore, Delorean owners would lovingly polish their cars with Brasso, like a giant lamp. Bob is implying that using a Delorean would lead to astronomical production costs, because of the Brasso expenses. He’s an accountant. Har har?

Tenny mistakenly believes that “wormholes” is a literal term.

The sound of raking through Legos is undeniably unique and triggers auto-nostalgia.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 16

Bob, who plays the character of “Tenny,” owns every jazz LP recorded. He sells coffee for Stewart’s Coffee and can sometimes be heard pitching the stuff on “Boers & Bernstein” on AM670 The Score. Originally, ‘Tenny’ was to be played by my real boss at the time, Tenny Ahn. However, this did not happen. We did end up using Tenny’s office, which actually is located between two public restrooms. No, it’s not at MTV. We had already made reference to the name “Tenny”, which led to having to explain the weird name. Hence, the ‘Nam story.

“Pauly” refers to “Pauly Shore.”

I was paying heavy homage to two of my favorite books: “Going After Cacciato” and “Dispatches.”

I wrote the Vietnam monologue, which mostly centered stuff like “tits deep” and gore. Bob served in Vietnam and spiced up my script with heavy lingo. Because of Bob, we ended up with the funniest stand-alone written material in the movie. So I think. Here is a glossary:

“Lurp” or “LRRP” – Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol
“Yellow and Whites” – Uppers, pills. Given to soldiers to keep them alert and moving.
“Beans and Motherfuckers” – Beans ‘n’ Franks.
“NFG” – No Fuckin’ Good.
“Hard Stripe” – A “hard stripe sargeant.” A rank indicated by chevron insignia, denoting some limited authority.
“Purple Out” – Emergency evacuation site.
“Glad Bag” – A body bag.
“Section 8″ – Those deemed unfit for service for mental issues. In the ’50s, this could be ‘homosexuality.’
“4-F” – Again, a military classification in Selective Service for those deemed unfit for duty for whatever reason.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 15

Commentary Track:

This limo footage was shot around 8 or 9 A.M. I ended up drinking an entire bottle of champagne in 30 minutes. So, most of this acting was done completely sloshed. Spitting the cigar in Ken’s face was another “real moment.”

Ken mistakenly says “GED” instead of “GRE.” This seemed funny, as the character wouldn’t know the difference.

Very faintly you can hear me mutter “Julie Lombardie, first finger bang.” This is in poor taste. Ken and I were remembering the popular girls from our high school. For Julie’s honor, I must admit to the illegitimacy of this claim. Julie now hand crafts jewelry. Buy a ring from her: www.julielombardi.com. I hear that makes for better fingerbangs.

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 14

Commentary Track:

The party scene was originally scripted to go towards the front of the movie. In this original version, the party was just a gathering of friends we were crashing to hype our show. It would demonstrate the way people tend to brag and name-drop at parties. It was how we intended to introduce Nick, the second intern. None of it worked. Moving the party to the end as a “celebratory” event made so much more sense. The scene was about 20 minutes long originally.

One bit of the scene left on the floor was a favorite of Ken’s and mine. As mentioned, Nick was intended here as a caterer that Ken would wrangle and smooth-talk into his “Little Dreams” office scheme. Matt was to have contraband hors d’oeuvres, a plate of ‘Li’l Smokies.’ Nick, the proud and controlling caterer, was to confront Matt and seize the contraband sausages. Then we would see Matt and a group of party-goers eating Li’l Smokies in the bathroom. Nick knocks on the bathroom door. Matt flushes the smokies down the toilet and sprays air freshener. This would be set to “Smokin’ In The Boys Room.”

The cake bit is another instance of reality film-making. I had commissioned The Cake Girls to create a giant tv-shaped cake with “Corey & Corey” on the screen. They did just that. A co-worker of mine told a Cake Girl that Ken and I were going to stiff her on the payment. Which was silly, as we had already cut a check. Anyway, the Cake Girl cried and threw out the cake. There was some confusion at to how long the cake could last in a fridge. Originally, we were told “two weeks.” Then it rotted in three days. Ken and Betsy (who made the tie-apron) whipped up the cake seen in the film. It’s a lot funnier.

Recipe for the tv cake:
1 cake
2 peanut butter cups (for knobs)
2 pixie sticks (for antennae)
decorate with frosting and perhaps an image of Alf

The poem I read is the theme song from “Perfect Strangers.” Ken and I poured over two discs of television themes before coming across this gem. It’s a great example of a song with a catchy tune and, oddly, completely unmemorable lyrics. When read in prose form it just doesn’t register. Unlike, say, “Silver Spoons” or “Charles In Charge.”

“Corey & Corey” – The Movie, Part 13