The Great Burn Off?

So yesterday was the “big” night. “The Two Coreys” premiered on A&E, who after decade of “Murder She Wrote” reruns, look to aim high and become TV Land 2.0. Getting through the show, I felt like a foie gras duck force-swallowing feed while waiting for a PETA lawyer to show up. The interesting bit/almost insurmountable challenge: two new episodes? Two more next week?

Our scripts for “Corey & Corey” were far more ambitious. Most of “The Two Coreys” takes place in a model kitchen. Coreys Haim and Feldman are producers. You don’t just hand two ex-junkies a cache of cash. Too much money spent on “nose props.”

The show opens with a similar montage to our film. Hey, we don’t have a corner on the montage market, but they do use some of the same file images. There are only so many “Bop” spreads to go around. Episode 1 was a Three’s Company-style special-ed textbook “situation comedy.” Haim loves meat! A PETA rep is coming for dinner! Zoinks! In episode two, Haim begins a desperate attempt to write “Lost Boys 2″ with the other (non-Feldman) Frog Brother. In our script Haim looks to revamp ‘License to Drive.’ Close, but not yet a lawsuit. There’s one talking head of Haim’s that’s remarkably similar to Ken’s “chalkboard timeline” exposition rant. Then again, we’re both just talking about the “Lost Boys.” Our script involved inane inventions, Korean investors, and a scene at a Chili’s. Our sets involved Haim living on a land-locked boat, and Feldman shaking with him mom, not his wife. However, the characteristic’s are very similar between the two stars.

But here’s the problem with the A&E show, and with the Coreys:

1) The Coreys are not talented. At all. In the opening credits the narrator introduces Feldman as an actore who “still works in Hollywood.” No, he really doesn’t! Which leads me to…

2) The hubris of these two jamokes will not allow the show to be as funny as it should. For example: in the show Haim comes invited to Feldman’s. Better idea: Feldman goes out to get the paper one day and discovers Haim sleeping in his bushes. Haim needs to CRASH into Feldman’s life. Come on, guys, you ripped off “You, Me, & Dupree,” so you must remember “Wedding Crashers,” right? Better idea: Feldman should be living in a humdrum suburban house in the Valley. Even if that is his real house, it’s not believable. People want to turn on the show and see these guys living in messy bungalows. These guys are burnout cup-rattlers. Feldman should be mowing his lawn and wearing a robe around the house. Feldman needs to be more domesticated, to the point where he’s content in his post-career life. The presumption that he is somehow better off than Haim is absurd. Both should be out of the picture. One just needs to be resigned to the fate.

In our script Haim lied and schemed and scratched to get his way back into the spotlight. In our documentary about the script, we took these two traits (and some of the plots) and layed them as a palimpsest over our own lives (Ken being Haim, I being Feldman).

Then again, you read the comments on the AETV.com site and you realize most viewers can’t tell how fake this show is. That pretty sums up the target market. Our #1 error in all this was hitching our wagon to a couple of mangy squirrels.

Next week it looks like Haim has a heart attack. Now we’re talking funny!

On another note, our plight has gotten a bit of press:
http://www.broadcastingcable.com/article/CA6462046.html?q=two+coreys